Pirates Of The Crapibbean: The Curse Of The Shit Movie

I hate the way everyone says that the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels are terrible movies. It's not that I don't agree with them, it's just the first one is equally as bad. I can't see what's cool about this film at all. I know everyone loves Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, but one character doesn't make up for the rest of the film. I found it to be boring, shallow and totally without heart which I absolutely hate in movies. If I don't like the characters, why the fuck would I care if they live or die? Jack Sparrow is funny, but he's a prick. Now this makes the character, and Johnny Depp, seem cool, but it actually hurts the film in the long run.

We all know that Pirates of the Caribbean was based on the Disneyland ride of the same name, and I'll admit that some of the action set pieces are a thrill, but like the ride, it feels empty of story. I wish we could have a really good pirate movie with some kick ass characters who we can really root for. I doubt it would even be that hard to make. You could basically copy Star Wars, but set it out at sea. Instead we get something that if you left to go to the toilet, you would probably just miss a boring sword fight or quip from Captain Jack. The action is in the Michael Bay style. I don't mean that it has lots of explosions, I just mean that in the end you're just not going to care.

The world created in this film, I'll admit, does look very good. The locations and the costumes are fantastic, but I say that it is not enough. We need to have relatable and fun characters to put into these costumes,, and Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann just don't cut it. That's obvious though, because in the fourth movie they aren't even in it and nobody gave a crap. Legolas aside, I think Orlando Bloom is a boring actor, and Keira Knightley isn't much better. They aren't helped by a script that doesn't endear them to the audience at all. Johnny Depp is probably just good because he's so famous he's allowed to do whatever he likes. Good thing he's quite talented.

Look how boring I am!

I think that anyone who enjoyed this movie is either a child who thinks saying "aahhrrrr" and "scallywag" is funny, or an adult who got tricked into liking it by Johnny Depp and all of the action. If you took away Jack Sparrow what are you left with? The answer is a complete convoluted mess that doesn't hold a candle to the great adventure movies of the past. If you ask me, I think director Gore Verbinski utterly failed to bring any imagination or creativity to this movie, and spawned a franchise that made the studio execs very happy (and wealthy), but pissed off any true cinema lovers.

I think I've made my point. Good action scenes are nothing without good characters. The storyline is important, but you won't care if you don't like the characters. People want to watch people doing unbelievable, amazing things. It's why movies exist. What is important is relatabilty. What is important is characters. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl lost sight of this. That's why I think it's Fucking Shit.