Star Trek: Into Darkness Review

J.J. Abrams has done it again. I reviewed his first Star Trek movie last week, and I absolutely loved it, but I think that Into Darkness could possibly be even better. The action is fantastic. The characters are great, and all get their chance to shine, and the plot is full of twists and turns. It really just makes me so happy. The music industry might be pretty diabolical at the moment, but we can count on the film industry to give us fresh, new and exciting stories that not only peak our curiosity, but require our attention. Star Trek: Into Darkness is the second summer blockbuster to come out this year after Iron Man 3, and if those two are anything to go by, we are in for a pretty excellent summer of movies.

Like its predecessor, Star Trek: Into Darkness begins with a prelude. This one is quite different to the first movie's though. The Enterprise crew are now in place, and are out in space discovering new worlds and getting into adventures. I like the fact that the movie begins with them in the middle of a mission. It was a great way to re-establish all of the characters, and to show us that the Enterprise hasn't been doing nothing since the last film. By showing us the end of their mission it leaves the impression that they get into these kinds of situations on a regular basis.

Another point in this film's favour is that the character development that happened in the previous movie is all still intact. Sometimes in a sequel the characters can revert to the way that they were at the beginning of the previous film thus negating their entire development and arc in that film. Into Darkness is never in danger of this happening. Spock can still be a pain in the ass for Kirk, but it is clear that there is an underlying level of respect and friendship between the two. In fact, it is clear that the entire crew of the Enterprise trust and respect Kirk which also implies that they have been through a lot together. I like it when things are implied, but never explicitly spelled out in films, and Abrams does this to perfection.

One of the biggest complaints that critics had with the previous film in this franchise was that it didn't have a strong enough villain. I must say that I don't really agree with this, but I can see where they are coming from. If that was a mistake, though, it has not been repeated. Benedict Cumberbatch is absolutely brilliant as John Harrison. His voice is just so menacing, and he exudes an air of intelligence and confidence that only an actor like Cumberbatch can. However, he is not a simple villain, and for a long time, it is hard to see what he is trying to achieve, but when it is revealed, it is totally worth it.

This film is also shot beautifully, but that was expected after the first one. I think that Abrams upped his game, and made the film a complete thrill ride. When the Enterprise goes to warp, I was actually in awe. It just looked so cool. The lens flare was back too, and I loved it. It just adds so much colour to the film, and it suits this franchise perfectly. This film is also very emotional, and plenty of scenes, especially those involving Kirk and Spock, really hit home with me. This is a sci-fi extravaganza, but the characters are still relatable. Also, there is one shot that is just the Enterprise in the sky that almost took my breath away.

Cumberbatch, Abrams and Pine

All I can say is well done writers, well done actors, well done J.J. Abrams. Star Trek: Into Darkness is The Shit.

How I Met Your Mother (Via All Of These Sluts)

How I Met Your Mother was a very good concept for a sit-com when it first began. I emphasise the word was. It began with such promise. A man, Ted Mosby, was telling his children about the events in his life that lead up to him finally meeting the woman of his dreams, their mother. The first three or four seasons of this show were excellent, but in my opinion that is where it should have ended. It makes no sense. The story being told is in real time for us (when it was 2006, it was the same year in the show, and so on), but at this stage there has been eight seasons (with a ninth to come). As of yet, we haven't met 'the mother', and I find that to be utterly ridiculous. Why did Ted begin the story eight or nine years before he actually met his wife? I reiterate; it makes no fucking sense!

Now, all of that could be overlooked if the show was incredibly funny, but it really isn't. I stopped watching it a long time ago for its comedy. One of my friends equated it to being like the final few seasons of lost. He watched those just to find out what the mysteries were instead of watching for the enjoyment of it. I completely agree with this. Don't get me wrong, there have been some very good episodes in the later seasons, but the lack of 'mother' can really get on your nerves. Lots of episodes seem really pointless. I find myself thinking, 'why would Ted be telling his children about this?' The fact that I am even thinking about that shows you that I am not truly invested in the show. I'm really just going through the motions.

The saving grace of this show, however, are the characters. To varying degrees, I like all of them. Obviously Barney, played by Neil Patrick Harris, is the funniest thing on the show. He is a ridiculous character that often has hilarious quips that are legen . . . wait for it . . . dary! I also love Marshall and Lily. They are a great couple, and the chemistry between Jason Segel and Alyson Hannigan seems real and unforced. Robin, played by Cobie Smulders is also a unique and interesting character, but I get pissed off about the love triagle that's always brought up between her, Barney and Ted. That just leaves the lead character, Ted Mosby, played by Josh Radnor. While I don't know when or how his voice is going to change to that of the Old Ted narrator, I do know that he is my favourite character. Barney might get all the laughs, but I think that Ted is more interesting, and I subscribe to his optimistic view to life.

Despite my affection towards these characters, I'm still very sick of this show. It has kind of become a collection of various bits, and all of the plot points seem like they have been done before, even by the show itself. I think that it has become completely stale, and I'm saddened to see something that I once loved become boring, mediocre drivel. How I Met Your Mother is Just Shit.

Max Martin: Evil Genius

You know who Max Martin is. You might think you don't, but you do. He's a music producer from Sweden who has had his hand in elevating a myriad of popstars into the limelight. When I found out how many of the hit songs that he has written since the 1990's I was in complete shock. Even though I hate a lot of the song, and know that they are unashamedly pop drivel, I can't help but admire this man. He has tapped into what pop music is. He has been able use all of your favourite pop acts as his puppets to churn out hit after hit after hit. He's basically averaging a number one single every year for the last fifteen years, and that doesn't even include all of his top ten singles.

You're All Jealous 

I would love to completely hate this guy for everything he has done to the music industry, but I don't. If what he does is so easy then why don't we all do it? He clearly has musical talent, but unfortunately he uses his powers for evil. It's hard to believe he started out as the lead singer of an 80's glam-rock band. That was all put behind him, however, when he started working with another producer Denniz PoP. That guy saw Martin's pop writing talent and got him working on an album for a new boyband. That band was The Backstreet Boys. It was Martin who wrote "I want it that way", "Everybody" and "As Long As You Love Me". After that the dude was on the map.

Boybandilicious

In 1998, Martin wrote what is perhaps his best known song, but nobody knows that it was his. He was called in to work on an album for a new, 17-year-old artist named Britney Spears. He wrote her first hit song "...Baby One More Time" and it is still her best selling single to this day. You can thank Max Martin for us having Britney (bitch) in our lives. I don't really know if that's a good thing, but fair play to them both. They collaborated on Britney's next album too, and both party's were a major success.

Martin eventually set up his own production company and it blossomed. He changed up his style from what he did with Spears, The Backstreet Boys and N'Sync, and began working with Kelly Clarkson. He wrote and produced songs like "Since You've Been Gone" and (fairly recently) "My Life Would Suck Without You". This man can just keep churning out the hits and it doesn't seem like it's ever going to stop. He's worked with P!nk. He's worked with Bon Jovi ("It's My Life"). He's basically written every one of Katy Perry's hits (Maybe he actually kissed the girl). Max Martin is a juggernaut in the music industry. I mean, even artists who we think write their own music actually are working with him. He co-wrote "We Are Never Getting Back Together", "I Knew You Were Trouble" and "22" with Taylor Swift. I'll bet she never says that in any interviews. The music industry is so sneaky sometimes.

OK, I don't like the majority of the songs that Martin has written. If I was rating the songs they would get a Fucking Shit rating, but for the fact that Max Martin has been consistently able to reach the top of the charts for the last fifteen years without going through a rough patch, I'll bump him up to being Just Shit.

Trek Yo' Self Before You Wreck Yo' Self!

With Star Trek: Into Darkness being released next week on the 9th of May, I thought it would be a good idea to catch up on J.J. Abrams first attempt at the universe that is loved the world over by trekkies, or trekkers, or whatever the hell they call themselves these days. It was a film that would star completely new actors as the original USS Enterprise crew. It was simply called Star Trek. It was  a reboot. It was a bold move. but, by golly, it was a good one.

'Sup muthafuckas, we O.G.

The original series of this sci-fi staple meant absolutely nothing to me before I saw this film. Obviously I knew who Kirk and Spock were, but I had barely an inkling into what the show was or how it worked (I have seen it since, and it's just not for me really). This didn't matter as this reboot promised to introduce these characters to the audience in a new light. I'll admit that even with this promise I still wasn't interested, and I chose not to go see this film in the cinema. I was a complete Star Wars fanboy, and anything opposed to Jedi and lightsabres in the sci-fi genre was completely alien to me (heh). I now completely regret my position on the matter.

To put it into context, I believe that Star Trek is a better Star Wars movie than any one of the prequels. Now, that might not make sense, but bear with me. Of course they are in completely different universes with different characters, and completely different stories, but I feel that Star Trek perfectly captures the tone and spirit of those original Star Wars flicks that I loved so well. J.J. Abrams has even said that that was what he was going for (The fact that he will be directing Episode VII backs my view even further). The entire movie is a complete blast from beginning to end, and to compare it to Star Wars once more, Kirk even gets a medal at the end. I mean, come on! It's obvious! College Humor Agree.

The beginning of this movie hooked me completely. It started out with a big battle between the USS Kelvin and another massive ship which we meet again later. This opening scene was absolutely breathtaking, and full of heart too. By the end of it I almost had a tear in my eye. The heart of this story, like in Star Wars, is the hero's journey. It is about James T. Kirk coming of age, and fulfilling his destiny. It is also an origin story for the entire Enterprise crew, and in this movie, each of them has their time to shine. The relationship between Kirk and Spock is one of the most intriguing aspects of the film, and I'm very glad that nothing ever seemed to be forced when it could have been in danger of being so.

We Young & Boss

Abrams shot this film beautifully. People have mocked, and complained about, the lens flare effect that he utilised, but I actually loved it. I think that this effect brought great colour to the film, and added a level of realism especially because it was even used in the CGI shots. Abrams paid close attention to detail throughout the film. The sets are crafted spectacularly, and the costumes, which could have be very campy, seem perfectly legit. If Into Darkness can live up to its predecessor then it too is going to be one hell of a film.

Star Trek doesn't make up for the ending of Lost, but it is still The Shit.

Why In God's Name Did I watch The Kardashians?

I thought that humanity still had something left to offer the world. Sure, we are depleting its natural resources, melting the ice caps, making holes in the ozone layer, but I truly believed that we still had some purpose. I thought that we could make this planet into everything that we would want it to be. That was before today. That was before I witnessed the great source of the Western world's ailments. It was reality T.V. It was Keeping Up With the Kardashians. It was terrible.

Now, I have only watched one episode of this utter tripe, but I'm fairly sure that if I watch another I will go on a murderous rampage. The episode I watched was the sixth of the fifth season. Before I took a look I had no idea that there were other Kardashians other than Kim, whom I was familiar with from her work being naked on the internet. Unfortunately, she is fully clothed on this show so there was no distraction from her, or her sister's, lack of personality. I don't know why this whole thing is so popular, or why it was even made for that matter. Were these pricks famous before this show? What have they done to warrant a reality show about them? I certainly haven't been convinced that it should exist.

The pointless episode that I watched began with the small one looking for a house. She wasn't looking at it with her husband because they are currently having marital issues (Interesting plot point perhaps? No?  . . . ok) so she enlisted the help of her hot sister (Kim. I'd know that ass anywhere!),her giant sister, and her creepy old sister. They look around the house, which seemed to be rather lovely, but Kim and Giant were up to (obviously scripted) mischief and they found a vibrator in one of the bedroom drawers. The sluts acted like giggly schoolgirls, but they weren't fooling anyone. It's widely known that Kim is a notorious cock-handler, and I can only assume it runs in the family. Anyway, we are then brought to the Jenner household where an older gentleman eats some dog food with Kim and a baby (the poor innocent child).

That was just the beginning of the episode, and I was already bored out of my fucking mind. The rest of it mainly centred around a dog humping everything that moves, and some asshole's birthday party. I am annoyed that I watched this show, but I am more annoyed that it exists. There is seriously something wrong with society if that is what is considered entertainment. I truly, deeply, hate this family of douchebags, and I pray to Jebus that Kanye West can fuck shit up now that he's going to enter the fold. Imagine he killed them all. One can only dream.

This is the worst T.V. show I have ever seen. Keeping Up With the Kardashians, you are So Shit That You Deserve To Drink The Sweat That Is Found Between Michael Moore's Ass Cheeks After Two Hours Of Cardio.

I'd Buy That For A Dollar!

Robocop has always been, and will always be, a cracker of a film. At it's heart, director Paul Verhoeven created a political satire that is masked by violent, and oft hilarious, action scenes. The tagline for this movie when it came out was "Part Man. Part Machine. All Cop." If that doesn't scream 80's then I have no idea what does. When I saw this film for the first time as a child I enjoyed it for how cool Robocop himself was, but when I watch it now I can see what Verhoeven was really trying to do. He was poking fun at America's capitalism, and shows us a world where public service has become privatised and out for profit.

Imma fuck you up, creep!

Robocop was inspired by the British comic book hero Judge Dredd, and the film owe's a lot to this character, especially with the one-liners. One of my favourite things about this movie is the adverts that are shown on the television. This is where Verhoeven put's the events of the movie in context for us. You know that the movie should not be taken seriously, and it allows you to relax, and helps you to just go with all of the over-the-top action that occurs throughout. With such hilarity as boardgame "Nukem" and the ridiculousness of anti-car theft system "Magnavolt" you will be in no doubt that this film is not just the gore-filled violence-fest that it appears to be on the surface.

Paul Weller is the man who plays Robocop, and he does a great job. I'm glad they went with someone who wasn't a big butch action star as it's more impressive seeing what the skinny Weller becomes. The world in which this movie is set is a fascist Detroit, and I would definitely not want to live there. It is full of crime, corruption, and dodgy business deals. I love how the members of the OCP boardroom give zero shits when one of their members is brutally murdered by the law enforcement droid ED-209. This bumbling machine is the cause of much of the movies comic relief, but I wasn't that much of a fan.

Take your top off. You have 30 seconds to comply.

It's probably not fair to judge the film's special effect. It was 1987 after all, but it's clear as day that the effects don't hold up. The stop motion of ED-209 is laughable, and the bullet wounds are ridiculously over the top. This kind of stuff really take me out of a movie, but i suppose that it can't be helped. It's not like we'll get a remake any time soon . . .

Look, Robocop is a very cool character, and a very good satirical sci-fi action movie. It's not perfect by any means, but it is still Not That Shit.

The Hunger Games Book Series

I like to read books. The Hunger Games is a popular book. It makes sense that I would read it, and I did. It's ok. There was a lot of things that I enjoyed, but there were other things that just annoyed the hell out of me, and these aren't just little niggly things, they're elements that are incredibly important to the enjoyment of any book series. Some of these things were less evident in the first book, but by the third one, it was really taking the piss.

The good: Suzanne Collins original idea is very cool. The whole dystopian future thing is right up my alley so my interest was peaked from the beginning. The actual Hunger Games themselves were a really good idea too, and it made a lot of sense in the context of the story (look, I know Battle Royale exists, but Collins says she didn't so I'm going to choose to believe her). Some of the character are cool, especially Gale and Peeta, and their development throughout the series is very interesting. The rise of the rebellion was also very interesting in the second and third books, and the difference between the people of the districts and the Capitol was really interesting to me too.

The bad: I hate Katniss. She's the protagonist and she is not likeable. I find her to be annoying, and a terrible person. When you can see a character's thought process, and you still can't in any way understand what the fuck they're doing that is not a good thing. These books are set in the future so it's in the realm of sci fi and fantasy. In these kind of novels I enjoy seeing a little bit of world building. There is some in this series, but I feel that there definitely isn't enough. I didn't mind it at all in the first book because I thought a lot would be explained in the other two, but I'm still left with loads of questions about the world in which this series is set, and I don't see the movies building on this. Also, that ending is complete bullshit.

As a whole this series is average. It's definitely Just Shit.